Healing Journeys with Suzie Daggett
A parent’s deep connection with their children is something that can only be felt by the heart. When a child dies before the parent, it is an especially heart breaking wrenching experience. Helena Montelius lived this situation and through her pain, found relief in assisting others in grief. Helena is meditation/spiritual teacher specializing in spiritual grief counseling to transform loss into spiritual openings. Her fourth book: Jon Walks in the Light: A Mother’s Awakening through Birth and Death is coming out soon. She offers many classes as well as a yearlong training “One Year Left to Live”, which starts in the spring of 2007. Her story follows:
Your life took a dramatic turn with the death of your son, please explain:
Alongside the deep shock and excruciating pain, another process happened. Each moment became intensely vibrant, I felt like I had awoken from a long slumber. A love beyond anything I had known was pumping through my chest. Everything I had longed for during my twenty years, as a spiritual seeker/teacher were right there. Not in a glimpse or a high that lasted for a few days but as a new solid reality that emerged from within. That does not mean I did not grieve or spend days on end in hell, nauseated by guilt. Because my son died from an overdose I felt I had failed as a parent, in my darkest moments I felt responsible for his death. However, I was held by something larger and immensely loving the whole time, and I still am. My inner journey was so intense that I spent several years in retreat and the new direction of my spiritual work was born out of that.
As a meditation/spiritual teacher, what have you learned about dying, grief and the grief process?
In the Buddhist and Zen traditions preparing for one’s own death and contemplating impermanence is considered one of the most important spiritual practices. And, in many cultures, it is seen as an act of wisdom and maturity to prepare for death throughout life. However, here in the West we try to avoid death as long as we can. It may sound strange, but only when we fully embrace death can we fully enter life. In exploring our own impermanence, we can connect with the immortal within and begin to live the life we truly want and fulfill our divine purpose. Grief, when allowed and embraced, is simply our heart being stretched open. It is like a birth, each contraction of grief opens the heart a little wider, until we are reborn into more love, compassion and presence. Grief has a life of it’s own and we need to give it time and space with tenderness and compassion.
How do you help your clients through life's transitions?
My work is focused not so much on how to “get over” things and “move on” but more on how to allow the process of opening, spiritual renewal and awakening that is available in life’s transitions. I have designed a series of meditations and inner tools for that purpose and I help clients find the peaceful place at the center of any painful emotion, like the eye of a hurricane. I share practices that help clients stay focused on essence rather than form, like focusing on the love you still have in your heart for your deceased child rather than on the form of the body that is gone. Allowing the grief and other painful emotions may be scary and uncomfortable at first, but it keeps us out of depression, drug use and developing other addictions or health problems. I also use “The Work” created by Byron Katie, a powerful method for dissolving the stressful thoughts and self-criticism that adds unnecessary suffering.
During my one-year-training “One Year Left to Live” participants prepare for and explore their own death on every level. They do things they have always longed for but procrastinated, share the unsaid things with loved ones, fill out the Five Wishes from the Hospice movement (available at www.agingwithdignity.org) and commit to a daily meditation/spiritual practice. After a year, they can live life with full presence and peace of mind knowing that they are expressing their divine purpose.
What words of inspiration do you have for those who are facing difficult circumstances?
Take a deep breath, place your hand on your aching heart and try to hold yourself in compassion. One moment at a time. Know that a broken heart is a wide-open heart. Now you have an opportunity to become one with the larger force of love that holds us at all times.
What do you get out of the work you do?
I feel a sense of divine purpose being expressed; it is simply what I am meant to do. There is immense gratitude in being of service and seeing people find light and vastness within. As my work is a direct result of my son’s death, it is infused with the love we shared and still share.
Helena is offering classes in January and she can be reached at 530-292-3723, www.lookwithin.net info@lookwithin.net
Healing Journeys is a column written by Suzie Daggett for the Grass Valley Union newspaper. Suzie interviews a variety of health practitioners most Fridays in the Wellness section. Click here to read past articles. Enter "Suzie Daggett" in the search box to get listing of all articles. |
