By Veronica Monet, ACS,CAM
Looking back on the challenges of the preceding year, what obstacles and setbacks did you experience? What wins did you realize?
No doubt you would like to know how to create more of what you want in your life as you move into 2015. You may be looking for the most effective ways to improve your happiness quotient. Or maybe you want to realize more success in your professional life. Perhaps what ranks highest on your list of priorities, is improving your health.
No matter what changes you want to see for yourself in the New Year, your connections with other people will define your ability to meet those goals.
The way we interact with others impacts our professional life. Whether we want more clients or customers, or we are building the perfect team to propel our business toward more success, how well we communicate and handle misunderstandings will define our level of achievement.
And of course how we relate with others deeply impacts our home life, our family life and our love life. As well, our level of satisfaction with our most intimate relationships can have positive or negative effects on our long term health.
Obviously, relationships are very important to every aspect of our life. Like it or not, we all need to know how to navigate our interactions with others successfully.
Most of us want to get along and experience love, peace and harmony - don't we? Certainly many of us invest a great deal of effort to avoid conflict and enjoy the fruits of harmonious connection. And yet we don't often see the results we expect.
Why do relationships have to be so difficult?
Sometimes it can seem like no matter how hard we try to get along the same disagreements come up over and over. We may even get help from a highly recommended book, a much attended workshop or a highly regarded relationship expert. And yet, our conflicts persist. And new hurts are born more often than we would like to admit.
What can we do?
The answer is simple but not easy: Focus on feelings.
Feelings are the single most important thing you need to focus on when love and trying hard just isn't enough.
Our failure to connect starts when we are afraid to deal with feelings - those of the person we are interacting with as well as our own. Most of us hurry to solve the "problem" instead of being totally honest about our feelings.
Our feelings are often embarrassing. Sometimes we would prefer to avoid sharing our feelings no matter what the consequences.
But focusing on feelings instead of "facts" is key because it takes us to the roots of our conflicts: our fears. And sharing our deepest fears sets all of us free to be authentic and vulnerable.
Realizing that feelings are neither good nor bad helps you accept yourself, and become more empathetic so the other person can share their feelings without fear of being judged or criticized.
It is crucial to create a shame free connection based upon authentic feelings. Getting to these core emotions without judging or criticizing helps everyone to find new, more satisfying solutions to conflict.
But the feelings have to come first. Solutions tend to show up after the feelings are shared, deeply heard and earnestly validated.
We CAN heal ourselves and each other when we focus on our feelings and share our fears.
Veronica Monet, ACS, CAM
Imagine looking forward to speaking with your partner about the problems and obstacles in your relationship with joy. Imagine feeling confident that the two of you will not only create solutions which satisfy both of you but that each of you will feel closer and safer and more in love than ever before.
It is possible to transform life's inevitable difficulties into opportunities for connecting and understanding one another in a manner which evokes your empathy and arouses your romantic passions.
I live this path daily and I have done so for years. It really works and I can show you how to make it a reality in your relationships.
Welcome to The Shame Free Zone! You may have seen me on CNN or FOX, or read about me in The New York Times.
As an Empathy Expert and Conflict Resolution Specialist, I combine my gift for deep empathy with many years of formal education. As a Certified Sexologist (ACS), Certified Sex Educator (SFSI) and Certified Anger Management Specialist (CAM) I help couples to connect with compassion and create vibrant, heart-centered, long-term relationships. I coach men, women and couples over the telephone and in-person at my Nevada City, California office.
I am here to help you enjoy the love and intimacy you have always dreamed of. Please be sure to visit my website for your free gift and much more including free podcasts and videos: www.TheShameFreeZone.com