Adrift in the sea of life?
by Jeffrey R. Cram, Ph.D.
In working in psychotherapy over the years, occasionally metaphors will appear repeatedly across a broad array of people. The “sailing metaphor”, described below, is one of those. It can be seen as an archetypal image that allows one to organize their thoughts, feelings and experiences.
People typically initiate therapy when they have some sort of predicament in their life. It is as if an emotional storm is passing through, and the winds of their mind and their perceptions begin to fill their sails. This gives energy to the vessel of their soul, and they begin to move through their life.
Sometimes the winds are of a gale force, and it literally blows the person off their course. The individual may find that they have unexpectedly changed careers or even spouses.
The environment the person lives in, their ocean of life, may provide tremendous swells to navigate. Given these circumstances, it would be very important for the captain of the ship to have good command over their rudder.
The rudder of a boat is extremely important. It is what controls the direction of the ship’s travel. By using the rudder you can determine your course. And if you set your sails correctly, one can even “tac” into the wind, facing your troubles, going where you need to go, rather than merely being buffeted by the fate of the winds. With control of the rudder and your sails, you can decide to catch only some of the wind, just enough to make progress in your desired direction. It is sort of like being in a conversation with someone which is going into a space you would prefer not to go. So you "tactfully" shift the conversation in a direction you feel more comfortable with. You change the topic, rather than being “blown away”.
Interestingly enough, some of the patients I see appear to have lost their rudder. They feel out of control of their life. They seem to be blown from one event to another, with little or no perceived control. As a therapist, it is my job to help them find their rudder, to learn how to take command of their ship once again.
For some, they know where their rudder is, but it’s loose and needs repairs. The problem with a loose rudder is that you may“inadvertently” end up making mistakes in life or relationships because your control mechanism just wasn’t precise enough or was a little unpredictable. You go to make an impression and leave a dent, so to speak. These patients may need to acquire some skills, learn to fix their rudder, and tighten various aspects of their life. As they acquire these survival skills, they can have better control of their destiny.
While a rudder is a mandatory part of the ship, it is not complete enough to guide your life’s journey. You will also need a compass. On a ship, the compass gives you your sense of direction on the planet. You always know where North is. In life, your sense of direction usually comes from within. Call it intuition if you like. Look to your heart or your gut for guidance. Develop your inner sense. And with it, you use your rudder to take you where you want to go. As Campbell says in his vocational counseling book, What Color Is My Parachute, "If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else." So once you discover the power of your compass, magic will happen. You will begin charting your course. You will begin asking questions like: Where is it I want to go? And, how to do I plan to get there? How will I know if have arrived?
A rudder and a compass are essential to navigate the tangible, earthly plane. But in the life of many, there is also a spiritual, deeper side to life. Perhaps, this is where the meaning of life is truly felt, a sense of connection to the divine.
In the sailing metaphor, this connection with the divine becomes abundantly clear when one gets away from the land, and is far out to sea. Out where all one can see are the endless waves of blue water. Truly lost and alone. No land markings or guide posts to tell you where you are.
To make your connection with the divine, and to find your place on the planet, you will need to find your sextant. With this nautical device, you point one end to the horizon, and the other end to the North Star. With this information, you can tell your latitude. In other words, by using the stars in the heavens, you can find your place on earth. From a psychological point of view, you get to see the “big picture” and know where you are in your “cosmic” life space. This connection with the divine can help you give meaning to your life.
In the end, it seems important to establish some control over your life experience by finding your rudder. And then, learning how to use it to tactfully navigate difficult situations. Next, develop a good sense of direction by listening to your intuition. With it chart your course. This will keep your more earthly endeavors on track. Lastly, it seems wise to check in with the heavens, in order to know your place on earth, and to give life a deeper meaning.
Jeffrey R. Cram, Ph.D. is a holistic psychologist with a practice in Nevada City. Here he tries to bring the patient into the present moment using psychotherapy, flower essences, biofeedback and music therapy. He may be reached at 478 9660.
