You know the voices I’m talking about?  They’re the ones that tell you’re not good enough, or that someone else is better, or that you’ll never make it, blah, blah, blah.  The running commentary that accompanies you through life.

And they’re not always ‘little’ voices, either.  Sometimes they scream.

Other times, they’re more subtle, insidious, sneaking around and hissing like a snake, and just as deadly.

A few years ago, I did a five-day training that was designed to challenge me in every way possible, physically, mentally and emotionally.  On the last full day, we did two things that I had purposefully avoided my whole life—a sweat lodge and a fire walk.  I was feeling very elated and proud of myself and then I heard the little voice say:  “Oh, that wasn’t a big deal.”

The good thing is that I heard it, possibly because I had put myself into an environment where I was paying such close attention. Then I was stunned.  Because for one moment, it really did make me doubt myself and what I had just achieved.

Then I got really angry.  “Excuse me?  What did you say?  I just did two things that have always terrified me and that was DEFINITELY a big deal and on top of that, the last four days have been more big deals.  So just BE QUIET.  I am not listening to you any more.”

Of course, I have slipped on that account and sometimes find myself being the victim of the voice. But more and more, I can catch it and see if what it is saying is true.  And 99% of the time it isn’t.

As a writer, if I listened to those voices, I would never even write one word.  Because it would always be the wrong word.

So here are a few tricks I’ve learned to help me in writing and in life.

Get to know your voices and watch your moods.

If you notice that you feel deflated, what just happened?  What thought just floated by?  Examine that thought.  Is it true?  Byron Katie’s work is brilliant here.

The opposite situation also works:  when you’re feeling great, what just happened?  What thought just floated in?  That would be a voice to hold onto and cultivate.

Review positive feedback and acknowledgements.

Did someone send you a note telling you how wonderful you are?  Keep it handy where you can grab it and reread it when you need to, when you need a boost.

Create positive self-talk.

Tell yourself how well you’re doing.  Congratulate yourself when you know you have done your best. Say: “You’re doing so great.”  And let it in.  It may feel silly at first (that’s just one of those cranky voices telling you it is silly) but it works. After all, you’re trying to even the score from all the negative stuff you’ve told yourself for so long.

Have an acknowledgment buddy.

Call up a close friend and tell him or her what you’re proud of.  I have a friend I call and say:  “I’d like to be acknowledged for just cleaning out a very messy closet (or just completing an article).  She then celebrates with me and says some lovely words of acknowledgment.  I do the same for her.

They say it takes three weeks to make or break a habit.  So give yourself some time to develop this new skill.

You might find that one day, you’ll hear a voice saying:  “You’re doing so great.”  All on its own.

And you will be, because you will have created a kind and loving inner voice to encourage you and help you.  And that really IS great.

Ó Diane Covington 2009

Diane Covington is an award winning writer and life coach who lives in Nevada City.  Her next series of Creative Writing classes begins October 14^th.

You can contact her at www.dianecovington.com or (530) 265-4050.